Pinocchio Parenting
Written by Dr. Chuck Borsellin
This article is courtesy of Living with Teenagers. (Lifeway)
“Liar, liar, parents on fire!” That’s what 15-year-old Dillon shouted to his parents right after they told him another one.
Unfortunately, he’d heard most of them before:• Your fish went to live with his friends in the ocean.• If you make that face again, your face will freeze that way.• It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose; it’s how you play the game.• God helps those who help themselves.And the one we’ve all told our kids: When I was your age, I walked to school… in the snow… without shoes…uphill…both ways.
Really?The truth is…everybody lies. Toddlers, teens, and adults. Deny it, and you’re probably lying. Small lies are called “fibs.” Big lies are called “whoppers.” Necessary lies are called “white.”
Whatever the case, we live in a culture where lying is common. The same way that fish live in a world that’s wet, we live in a world that leans toward dishonesty. According to the book The Day America Told the Truth, 91 percent of Americans admitted to lying routinely. On average, we lie about twice a day—more often than most of us brush our teeth.
Even more unfortunate is the way our culture has slipped into our homes. Despite our verbal commitments to truth as outlined in the Bible, even Christian parents can slip into a world of “almost truths.” When backed against the wall, lies and clichés just slide off our tongues like a politician before Election Day.
Why We LieIn the minds of many, lying has become as American as apple pie. We lie to protect ourselves; we lie to promote ourselves. We lie to elevate ourselves; we lie to excuse ourselves. We’ve become a nation of “Pinocchio Parents.”
Soon after we learned how to walk, we learned how to lie (Mommy, I didn’t do it!). Later we learn money lies (The check’s in the mail.), math lies (I just turned 39.), medical lies (The doctor will call you right back.), work lies (I can’t come in to work today; I’m sick.) and necessary lies (Fat? No, you look great in that outfit.).
While every lie has a consequence, the most damaging lies are the ones we tell our kids. Why? Because they erode our parental credibility and distort our children’s sense of reality.
As a psychologist, I’ve seen hundreds of kids in therapy, and I’ve come to an interesting conclusion. While unhealthy behaviors may prompt a trip to my office, you can’t ignore the unhealthy beliefs that lay behind those behaviors. If you can change the beliefs, you’ve got a good chance of changing the behaviors.
I’ll admit that our purposes in not sharing nothing but the truth with our kids may be noble, but that also doesn’t make it right. In my experience, I’ve discovered that we lie to our kids for three main reasons:• To help them make sense out of their circumstances: “That’s OK honey; he wasn’t good for you anyway.”• To bring assurance to their anxieties: “Looks don’t matter, it’s what’s inside that counts.”• To inspire them to reach beyond their limits: “If you can dream it, you can do it.”You don’t have to dig very deeply to identify a basic problem, though. These statements sound good, but none of them are true!
Living By The LieOf course, these are just a sampling of the lies we tell our kids. Let’s take a closer look at three examples and why parents need to do all they can to avoid them:
Lie #1: You can be anything you want to be. Really? It’s fashionable, but is it factual? Of course not. It’s a lie based on a belief that desires turn dreams into reality. They don’t. Desires may direct choices; training and hard work may develop the mind; and motivation may fuel your fire. Ultimately, though, the difference between average and awesome is ability.
God created each of us unique. Could Beethoven carve a statue like Michelangelo? Could Mozart draw like Picasso. Could Picasso become an accountant? The numbers just wouldn’t line up. Literally.
As parents, our job is to help our kids discover and then develop the unique gifts that God has invested in them. Kids cannot be anything they want to be, but they can ask God what plans and purposes He created them to fulfill (Jer. 29:11).After that, it’s easy. Teach them to do the most with what they’ve got.
Lie #2: It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose; its how you play the game.Then why does everybody keep score?
The NBA’s Dallas Mavericks just spent millions of dollars for an 8-sided, 360-degree, electronic scoreboard. Why? Because in the NBA, they keep score. Do the Mavericks have some of the nicest guys in the NBA on their team? Yes. Do they work as hard on ball handling and shooting? Yes. Does the team’s coach teach his players to play within the rules of the NBA? Of Course. Like it or not, the score matters.
I’m not saying that character doesn’t count. It does. If I could only pick one, I’d choose character over competence any day. But we live in a world where both are important, and parents miss the mark if they teach their kids that score doesn’t matter.
The Apostle Paul put it this way: “Do you not know that the runners in a stadium all race, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win” (1 Cor. 9:24). As a parent, teach your kids to keep one eye on their character, one eye on their competence… and one eye on the scoreboard.
Lie #3. Looks don’t matter because it’s what’s on the inside that counts.The Bible reminds us that God focuses on the heart (1 Sam. 16:7), but all the research I’ve seen lately demonstrates that His highest creations are not following His example.
Numerous studies have concluded that what’s on the outside conquers what’s on the inside. In comparison to those not so physically blessed, attractive people are perceived as more competent, confident, and sociable.
At school, teachers demonstrate a “halo effect” toward the bronzed and the beautiful. In the workplace, attractive candidates are more likely to be hired, promoted, and rewarded. My message to parents? Once again, what’s on the inside does matter, but telling kids that appearance is irrelevant is simply not true.
Help your teen discover a proper balance between looking good and obsessing over looks. Work with them to make their appearance count, but not at any cost.
The truth is, none of us are perfect when it comes to being less than honest with our kids. I’ve been a Pinocchio Parent just like you. I am walking where you walk, but I also have committed myself to telling nothing but the truth—so help me God.
Dr. Chuck Borsellino is a licensed clinical psychologist and ordained minister. He also serves as executive producer and co-host (with his wife, Jenni) of the daily television show, At Home—Live!
In His Love, Cathy
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
A Saved Life
Warning, this is a long read...but it's story worth reading!
It was a Friday afternoon. I was overtasked as usual, committing myself to more things than I should have. Yet all of the tasks on my agenda were so very important, none could really been eliminated. It had also been a long, hard week at school. More papers to grade than there were minutes in a day. Finally, Friday had arrived and relief was only hours away. But before I could relax for the weekend, I still had to take care of quite a few things for children's ministry and, oh yes, I needed to prepare a meal for a family in our church by 6 p.m. Friday night. As I left school that Friday afternoon, I debated on the order of my remaining tasks. Should I head to church first and just pick up a ready meal for the family? Or should I get the ingredients I needed for the meal from the store, cook it at church while I finished the remaining ministry tasks for the week? I had a difficult time deciding what should be the best approach. You see, I am a very efficient person and don't like to waste my time or efforts. I mulled over what the best approach would be and decided it would be the store first to get the ingredients and cook the meal while working at the church on children's ministry tasks. So, I headed out of the school parking lot around 4 p.m. and turned right on West Spencer Field Road. By the time I got even close to the light, it was closing in on 4:30 p.m. "Ridiculous!" I thought. "I'll never make it to Publix on time!" So, I did something I never, ever do. I changed my mind! Now before you make one of those, "Well, that's just like a woman" comments, you need to know that when I set out to do something, I rarely ever change my mind, especially if it requires turning around midtraffic. But that's exactly what I did. The traffic was so backed up I knew that I'd never make it to the store and then back to the church in time to cook the meal and get it to the family. So I decided it might be best if I just worked at the church for a little while and picked up a delicious ready made meal.
So, I turned around and headed back North, toward the church. The whole traffic situation and my confusion over what I was to do that day just seemed so odd to me. When I arrived at the church, I noticed a car driving slowly in the parking lot. As I turned into the parking lot, this car began to leave. It passed by me only to slow down and stop. Then I noticed the driver was slowly backing up. Though I was a little uneasy, I did the same. I partially rolled down my window and asked if I could help the gentleman in the car. He indicated he was a friend of a member of our church and they were meeting at the church that afternoon. The gentleman proceeded to tell me that he was going through hard times and that he just came up to our church to pray and seek God. I asked him his name so that I could pray for him. He looked really broken. My heart just went out to him. I then told him that I didn't see anyone at the church at the moment, but to please come on Sunday. I shared with him about the wonderful church family of PCC. How the people of PCC are so loving, friendly, and truly like family. I told him how much I hoped he would come and how I'd love to introduce him to my husband, hoping to give him a connection to another man in our congregation. He thanked me for the invitation and we said our goodbyes. As he drove off I decided being alone at the church after such an encounter was probably not a wise decision. So I was to make a second attempt to get the meal ingredients for the family's dinner. As I was leaving, I noticed my new friend stopped at the church exit and another vehicle beside him, the two drivers talking. I thought it was Renae, so I pulled over into the church median to wait. Instead, it was the church member who was friends with the gentleman I just met. We shared a greeting, he indicating that they were going to remain and pray. I indicated I would leave to get the meal for the family. I had absolutely NO IDEA what had really transpired that afternoon. It wasn't until Sunday morning that the details of Friday's events came to light.
After first service, the member who had met the troubled gentleman at the church on Friday asked me to come meet his friend. On the way to meet him, I found out the sad yet miraculous tale of the troubled gentleman in the parking lot. You see, the gentleman had intended to commit suicide that very afternoon. He had come up to the church to pray and possibly kill himself. He told me this himself after I met him Sunday morning. He had a loaded gun and it was with him in his car on that Friday. He said that things were really bad in his life, that he had done some really bad things, and that he was just empty inside. He had pulled up by the 'pretty flowers' in front of the church to pray. He kept talking about praying by the beautiful potted flowers. He said he prayed that God would give him a sign not to kill himself. It was right after he prayed this that I pulled into the church parking lot. He took my pulling into the parking lot and speaking to him as his sign from God not to kill himself. My heart was broken for him as I heard his story. I choked up and cried. All I could think of was, "Wow, God! I thank you that this gentleman is still here today!" I hugged his neck and told him how much God LOVED HIM! I assured him that I would continue to pray for him. Before he left that day, I made sure that he knew there were people who cared about him, that God loved him, and that he met my husband - after all I promised to introduce him to my husband.
I thank God for what transpired that Friday afternoon to prevent this gentleman from taking his life. God orchestrated the events of that day to save that man's life. From the traffic, to my indecision about what to do first, to my turning around in traffic and going to the church first...God was in control. He put me in the right place, at the right time, just long enough until his friend arrived. I'm so thankful for his friend who met him at the church, who prayed with him, and was there for him at a crucial time. That's a real friend. Often, we pray asking God to use us in His Works. But in praying this, I guess I always assumed that I would see the fruits of His work through me. Now I realize that we may not always see what God does through us. We may impact others for Christ in ways we may never know in this lifetime. This is what real ministry is about. This is the meaning of loving others as Christ does. Ministry can happen in ways you may never even think. God even used the beautiful potted flowers in front of the church to minister to this hurting gentlemen as he prayed.
Like this gentleman, there are others out in this world who are hurting, who are lonely, who need Christ so desperately. They need our prayers. They need us to minister to them and share with them the authentic love of Jesus Christ. They need our friendship. We need to be watching and ready to help.
If you are one who is hurting please know that you can place your hope in Christ. He loves you so much that He suffered and died for you. Simply ask Him to come into your life as your Lord and Savior. He will heal the hurts. He will bind the wounds. He will never, ever leave you. He will comfort you. Please also know that there are people willing to help you in your time of need. Just please, don't give up hope.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. " 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Please pray for my new friend. Please pray for others like him who are hurting and lonely.
In His Love, Cathy
It was a Friday afternoon. I was overtasked as usual, committing myself to more things than I should have. Yet all of the tasks on my agenda were so very important, none could really been eliminated. It had also been a long, hard week at school. More papers to grade than there were minutes in a day. Finally, Friday had arrived and relief was only hours away. But before I could relax for the weekend, I still had to take care of quite a few things for children's ministry and, oh yes, I needed to prepare a meal for a family in our church by 6 p.m. Friday night. As I left school that Friday afternoon, I debated on the order of my remaining tasks. Should I head to church first and just pick up a ready meal for the family? Or should I get the ingredients I needed for the meal from the store, cook it at church while I finished the remaining ministry tasks for the week? I had a difficult time deciding what should be the best approach. You see, I am a very efficient person and don't like to waste my time or efforts. I mulled over what the best approach would be and decided it would be the store first to get the ingredients and cook the meal while working at the church on children's ministry tasks. So, I headed out of the school parking lot around 4 p.m. and turned right on West Spencer Field Road. By the time I got even close to the light, it was closing in on 4:30 p.m. "Ridiculous!" I thought. "I'll never make it to Publix on time!" So, I did something I never, ever do. I changed my mind! Now before you make one of those, "Well, that's just like a woman" comments, you need to know that when I set out to do something, I rarely ever change my mind, especially if it requires turning around midtraffic. But that's exactly what I did. The traffic was so backed up I knew that I'd never make it to the store and then back to the church in time to cook the meal and get it to the family. So I decided it might be best if I just worked at the church for a little while and picked up a delicious ready made meal.
So, I turned around and headed back North, toward the church. The whole traffic situation and my confusion over what I was to do that day just seemed so odd to me. When I arrived at the church, I noticed a car driving slowly in the parking lot. As I turned into the parking lot, this car began to leave. It passed by me only to slow down and stop. Then I noticed the driver was slowly backing up. Though I was a little uneasy, I did the same. I partially rolled down my window and asked if I could help the gentleman in the car. He indicated he was a friend of a member of our church and they were meeting at the church that afternoon. The gentleman proceeded to tell me that he was going through hard times and that he just came up to our church to pray and seek God. I asked him his name so that I could pray for him. He looked really broken. My heart just went out to him. I then told him that I didn't see anyone at the church at the moment, but to please come on Sunday. I shared with him about the wonderful church family of PCC. How the people of PCC are so loving, friendly, and truly like family. I told him how much I hoped he would come and how I'd love to introduce him to my husband, hoping to give him a connection to another man in our congregation. He thanked me for the invitation and we said our goodbyes. As he drove off I decided being alone at the church after such an encounter was probably not a wise decision. So I was to make a second attempt to get the meal ingredients for the family's dinner. As I was leaving, I noticed my new friend stopped at the church exit and another vehicle beside him, the two drivers talking. I thought it was Renae, so I pulled over into the church median to wait. Instead, it was the church member who was friends with the gentleman I just met. We shared a greeting, he indicating that they were going to remain and pray. I indicated I would leave to get the meal for the family. I had absolutely NO IDEA what had really transpired that afternoon. It wasn't until Sunday morning that the details of Friday's events came to light.
After first service, the member who had met the troubled gentleman at the church on Friday asked me to come meet his friend. On the way to meet him, I found out the sad yet miraculous tale of the troubled gentleman in the parking lot. You see, the gentleman had intended to commit suicide that very afternoon. He had come up to the church to pray and possibly kill himself. He told me this himself after I met him Sunday morning. He had a loaded gun and it was with him in his car on that Friday. He said that things were really bad in his life, that he had done some really bad things, and that he was just empty inside. He had pulled up by the 'pretty flowers' in front of the church to pray. He kept talking about praying by the beautiful potted flowers. He said he prayed that God would give him a sign not to kill himself. It was right after he prayed this that I pulled into the church parking lot. He took my pulling into the parking lot and speaking to him as his sign from God not to kill himself. My heart was broken for him as I heard his story. I choked up and cried. All I could think of was, "Wow, God! I thank you that this gentleman is still here today!" I hugged his neck and told him how much God LOVED HIM! I assured him that I would continue to pray for him. Before he left that day, I made sure that he knew there were people who cared about him, that God loved him, and that he met my husband - after all I promised to introduce him to my husband.
I thank God for what transpired that Friday afternoon to prevent this gentleman from taking his life. God orchestrated the events of that day to save that man's life. From the traffic, to my indecision about what to do first, to my turning around in traffic and going to the church first...God was in control. He put me in the right place, at the right time, just long enough until his friend arrived. I'm so thankful for his friend who met him at the church, who prayed with him, and was there for him at a crucial time. That's a real friend. Often, we pray asking God to use us in His Works. But in praying this, I guess I always assumed that I would see the fruits of His work through me. Now I realize that we may not always see what God does through us. We may impact others for Christ in ways we may never know in this lifetime. This is what real ministry is about. This is the meaning of loving others as Christ does. Ministry can happen in ways you may never even think. God even used the beautiful potted flowers in front of the church to minister to this hurting gentlemen as he prayed.
Like this gentleman, there are others out in this world who are hurting, who are lonely, who need Christ so desperately. They need our prayers. They need us to minister to them and share with them the authentic love of Jesus Christ. They need our friendship. We need to be watching and ready to help.
If you are one who is hurting please know that you can place your hope in Christ. He loves you so much that He suffered and died for you. Simply ask Him to come into your life as your Lord and Savior. He will heal the hurts. He will bind the wounds. He will never, ever leave you. He will comfort you. Please also know that there are people willing to help you in your time of need. Just please, don't give up hope.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. " 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Please pray for my new friend. Please pray for others like him who are hurting and lonely.
In His Love, Cathy
PCC Children's Ministry Events - Week of May 11 through 17
Wednesday Nights
No Children's Activities
VBS Worship Team Practices
& VBS Decorating
Sundays from 2 to 4 p.m.
Starting May 17
VBS VOLUNTEER MEETING
RESCHEDULED FOR Sunday, May 31
Immediately following 2nd service.
VBS HELP NEEDED - Group Leaders, Helpers, Registration, T-shirt orders
Decorating, data entry, plus much more. Contact me to plug in.
SUNDAY MORNING TEACHERS and HELPERS still needed.
Summer Children's Ministry is going to be AWESOME!
Get on board today!
In His Love, Cathy
Friday, May 8, 2009
VBS 2009: Boomerang Express!
VBS 2009
Boomerang Express: Where it all comes back to Jesus!
Boomerang Express: Where it all comes back to Jesus!
JUNE 15-19 6:00 – 8:30 P.M.
PK (3yrs & potty trained) through 5th Grades
REGISTER for VBS TODAY
PK (3yrs & potty trained) through 5th Grades
REGISTER for VBS TODAY
Registration Forms Available at Children's Sign In Table
On Sale Now through Sunday, May 24
VBS Music CD: $2.00
VBS DVD: $24.99
Pre-orders only. Must be paid in advance.
VBS YARD SIGNS
Available May 17. Donations toward cost of sign appreciated.
In His Love, Cathy
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
PCC Children's Ministry - This Week, May 4 - 9
WEDNESDAY NIGHT
VBS Worship Team PRACTICE from 7 to 8 p.m.
KG - 4th Grades
Mother's Day
is
this
SUNDAY, MAY 10
ROCK SOLID CHILDREN'S CHURCH
Special Mother's Day Lesson!
VBS 2009: Boomerang Express
Where it all comes back to Jesus!
June 15-19
6:00 to 8:30 p.m.
VBS HELP NEEDED!
Group Leaders, Teachers, Extra Helpers
contact me at pcckidzministry@aol.com
*** PAPER TOWEL & TP ROLLS NEEDED FOR CRAFT PROJECTS***
Please save and turn in at children's sign in table. Thank you!
TEACHERS NEEDED for SUNDAY MORNINGS: SUMMER and FALL ROTATIONS.
As our church has grown, we have been blessed to be able to offer a quality ministry to more children. However, the bottom line is, WE NEED MORE TEACHERS! We need to broaden the number of teachers we have to help us achieve the ministry goals of reaching as many children in Pace with the Gospel. There are more families and children with unique needs. They need a loving Church home to help minister to them. With more teachers and helpers on board, we can help families experience the AUTHENTIC LOVE of Jesus Christ!
In His Love, Cathy
Sunday, May 3, 2009
ROCK SOLID: What Your Child Learned in Church Today, Sunday, May 3
Bible Lesson: The Rise and Fall of Saul, the First King of Israel (1 Samuel 11:1-11, 13:5-16, 14:1-23, 15:1-31)
Memory Verse: "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God." Psalm 20:7 NIV
Main Point: I will live a life of faith in God rather than relying on just my own strength and understanding!
What we learned:
Today, we saw how Saul's reign as King started out humbly as he relied on God to empower him as a leader, but all too soon we see that Saul becomes enamored with himself and begins to rely on his own strength to lead the people. God gives Saul numerous opportunities to repent, but Saul blindly continues to reject God and walk by sight rather than by faith. As a result, God rejects Saul as king, tearing the kingdom from him and giving it to a man after his own heart, David.
Life Application:
Like Saul, we too can become relient upon ourselves instead of God. Our successes can cause us to puff up with pride and cause us to walk in our own strength and understanding. When we turn away from God, giving ourselves the credit for 'our' successes and accomplishments, we are setting ourselves up for a big fall. Just like God ripped the kingdom from Saul, He can and will deal with our disobedience. Therefore, we should live our lives relying on God, obeying Him, and giving Him all of the credit and glory due.
TRAINING UP A CHILD HOMEWORK:
1. Memory Verse: Help your child memorize Psalm 20:7 in the upcoming week. Discuss why it is important to place your ultimate trust in the Lord.
2. Bible Reading: Read through the Bible lesson passages (1 Samuel 11:1-11, 13:5-16, 14:1-23, 15:1-31) throughout this week. You can read a little each night with your child. Discuss with your child how Saul's actions were in direct disobedience to God. Help them understand that as a result, God dealt with Saul by eventually removing him as King of Israel. Help them to know that God deals with those who are disobedient. However, there is forgiveness and mercy if we repent and confess our sins to Him.
3. Suggested Parent/Child Activity: Through out the week take time to point out various things in which we place our trust. Things such as airplanes, medicine, banks, goverment, technology. All of these things can fail us but God never will.
4. Daily Prayer: Dear God, please help us place our trust in you. Help us seek you and your wisdom for the all the decisions we make both klarge and small. Keep us from becoming proud and let us honor you by the way in which we live. Amen
In His Love, Cathy
Memory Verse: "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God." Psalm 20:7 NIV
Main Point: I will live a life of faith in God rather than relying on just my own strength and understanding!
What we learned:
Today, we saw how Saul's reign as King started out humbly as he relied on God to empower him as a leader, but all too soon we see that Saul becomes enamored with himself and begins to rely on his own strength to lead the people. God gives Saul numerous opportunities to repent, but Saul blindly continues to reject God and walk by sight rather than by faith. As a result, God rejects Saul as king, tearing the kingdom from him and giving it to a man after his own heart, David.
Life Application:
Like Saul, we too can become relient upon ourselves instead of God. Our successes can cause us to puff up with pride and cause us to walk in our own strength and understanding. When we turn away from God, giving ourselves the credit for 'our' successes and accomplishments, we are setting ourselves up for a big fall. Just like God ripped the kingdom from Saul, He can and will deal with our disobedience. Therefore, we should live our lives relying on God, obeying Him, and giving Him all of the credit and glory due.
TRAINING UP A CHILD HOMEWORK:
1. Memory Verse: Help your child memorize Psalm 20:7 in the upcoming week. Discuss why it is important to place your ultimate trust in the Lord.
2. Bible Reading: Read through the Bible lesson passages (1 Samuel 11:1-11, 13:5-16, 14:1-23, 15:1-31) throughout this week. You can read a little each night with your child. Discuss with your child how Saul's actions were in direct disobedience to God. Help them understand that as a result, God dealt with Saul by eventually removing him as King of Israel. Help them to know that God deals with those who are disobedient. However, there is forgiveness and mercy if we repent and confess our sins to Him.
3. Suggested Parent/Child Activity: Through out the week take time to point out various things in which we place our trust. Things such as airplanes, medicine, banks, goverment, technology. All of these things can fail us but God never will.
4. Daily Prayer: Dear God, please help us place our trust in you. Help us seek you and your wisdom for the all the decisions we make both klarge and small. Keep us from becoming proud and let us honor you by the way in which we live. Amen
In His Love, Cathy
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