I have no idea where to begin in this post. I simply know that I need to write what is going on inside of me, to sort things out in my heart and mind. By writing, my brain and my heart are forced to work together to express the thoughts and emotions that are sometimes easier to ignore than acknowledge.
But today I am having much difficulty expressing in words what is going on in my heart. Simply stated, my heart is broken - totally broken. My heart is broken for my father. He is a very, very sick man and is getting worse. This has been going on several years but is now to the point that he will die soon if he doesn't get medical attention. Yet he refuses to cooperate or go to the doctor. He has refused any and all help from family. I've pleaded and begged him to let me help but he won't budge.
Quite frankly, I believe he is suffering from more than just a physical ailment. I believe he is suffering from some mental or cognitive issue - perhaps dementia or Alzheimer's which does run on both sides of his family.
I've exhausted all possible resources for getting him the much needed help he needs. He has been evaluated and been deemed competent. Therefore, he has the right to refuse medical care. And because he has been deemed competent, there is nothing legally we can do as a family at this point. We have tried everything that has been recommended for us to do and then some.
And through it all, I've prayed for and requested prayers for my Dad.
All I know is this, I am trusting God through the tears. God has never failed me. He has patiently heard my prayers for my Dad over the last several years. And for whatever reasons, God has chosen to answer them differently than what I have prayed for. Nonetheless, I can trust Him with my Dad...after all, God loves my Daddy, too.
These past two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. My heart is heavily burdened and grieving for my Dad - forgive my post. I am simply asking for prayers for my Dad!
In His Love, Cathy
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