In a Spiritual Drought

I must confess, I feel as though I am in a season of spiritual drought.  Though I search and seek the Lord daily, I feel as though I am not as close to Him and do not desire Him as much as I have in the past.  There are times that I do feel so very close to Him, as though I can reach out and touch Him.  However, at other times, I feel as though He is so very far away.  Honestly, ever since I stepped down as children's pastor last summer, I have struggled with what God wanted of me next.  I am not lamenting stepping down, for God made it very clear that was His will.  And, as a result, God has abundantly blessed our church and our family in so many ways.  I am confident that my stepping down was the right choice.  I'm simply confused and feel so lost  - not knowing what I should do next and wondering why the silence.  In addition, it seems like this world is pressing down on us. 

To be completely transparent, I realize that I am the reason for the spiritual drought. I felt that God has been so near yet so far - that it has been so long that I witnessed His incredible works and seen Him in my circumstances. I know that there have been scales over my eyes, blinding me, misleading me, making me think that He has gone away. I know that it is my disobedience, rebellion, and spiritual doubt that are the source of His perceived absence. I used to be so on fire for Him! I used to be so close to Him! He would hear my prayers and answer them with the most awesome of deeds! I used to delight myself in Him! Rising each morning with praise on my lips! Laying down each night with worship in my heart! Where have those days gone? Why can't I seem to get back to this place, the place where I was with my Lord and He was with me always? In His arms are safety!  Yet, feel as though I am drowning in a sea of hopelessness! Though I lay my plans at His feet, though we try to do His will, we are being challenged every step of the way! Oppression lurks around every corner, chipping away at our hope and confidence. Whenever God leads us through a crisis, the enemy quickly throws up a road block, attempting to steal away the victory!


But then, just when all hope seems lost - in the stillness of the morning, He bends down,  close to my heart, and quietly whispers to my soul:

"I know all the things you do.  I have seen your hard work and your patient endurance.  I know you don't tolerate evil people.  You have examined the claims of those who say they are apostles but are not.  You have discovered they are liars.  You have patiently suffered for me without quitting.

But I have this complaint against you.  You don't love me or each other as you did at first!"

Revelation 2:2-4

My heart lay utterly exposed and broken at the feet of my Savior!  He sees all!  He saw that I didn't love Him as I once had!  How that must have hurt Him to know this!  The ugly truth that I had denied not only to my Savior, but also to myself!  Though on the outside, I was saying and doing all of the right things, on the inside my passion for Him had grown cold!  How could I have done such a thing after all He's done for me! In the busyness of life, I had lost my passionate love for Christ! 

Prolonged conflict and crisis can strengthen our faith, but can take its toll on our love for God and one another.  Even in the thick of battle, our efforts should be grounded in and remain in our love for Christ!  We must love God with the same ferver as we did when we first became a Christian - seeking Him in earnest every day!  Laying our hearts open before Him in great anticipation and expectation!  Seeking Him to fill us daily with His love!       

My Sweet Savior didn't leave me totally broken.  Instead, He performed open heart surgery.  With precision, He grafted the truth of Revelation 2:5-7 to my heart:

"  Look how far you have fallen!  Turn back and do the works you did at first.  If you don't repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches.  But this is in your favor:  You hate the evil deeds of the Nicolaitans, just as I do.  Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches.  To everyone who is victorious I will give you fruit from the tree of life in the paradise of God."

In my brokeness, I repented.  I turned back.  He forgave me, washed my wounded heart, healing it with His nail scared hands.

Are you in a season of spiritual drought?  If so, the only way to quench it is to turn back and do the works you did at first.  Think back on when you began your love affair with our Lord and Savior.  Remember how exciting that was?  Go back in time spiritually, ask God to help you reproduce that love and passion.  Repent and turn away from those things, even good things, that stand in the way of passionately loving Christ.  Pray.  Read His Word.  Worship and adore Him!  Ask Him to reveal Himself.  Listen with anticipation for the Holy Spirit.  Follow where He leads your heart!  Make HIM FIRST in your life!  For this is the remedy to spiritual drought!  Delight in Him once again!
 
In His Love, Cathy