My heart is broken, it's shattered into pieces.
The joy I once had seems so very lost.
Each way I turn, each path I follow, seems to lead me only to more pain.
Relationships end, friendships fade away, loved ones quietly slip into God's heavenly arms.
Leaving an empty hole in my heart, wishing for what can no longer be.
Sadness overwhelms me, I cannot bear to lose anyone else that I hold so dear.
I feel I must guard my heart so that that I'm not unprotected from this pain.
For it's when I open my heart to others I am vulnerable.
I don't think I can endure any more heartache.
No, I know that I cannot endure anymore heartache. It's just too much for my heart to bear.
Should I withdraw, should I pull away? At least my heart won't be hurt this way.
I open my heart, show love and kindness to others. Some turn away, some don't even acknowlege. So why do I keep subjecting myself to this personal torture? I just don't know why, but it's becoming harder and harder, to open up and befriend others. I just don't think I can lose anyone else in my life. I guess this year has been tough on my heart. I'm maxed out and just can't take too much more.
I do sound so selfish and so one-sided. I apologize, my dear friends, I do sound just horrible. I must instead count God's wonderful blessings and proclaim what He's done! Otherwise, I will sink deeper into this awful, dark despair! I am thankful to have so many wonderful, faithful friends! You all know that I love each you just so dearly. No, closing my heart just isn't the answer. My dear friends, you don't deserve that! You deserve my best love and my loyalty too. I must open my heart to minister, to love, and witness about His Grace. For if Christ LOVED me so much that He lay down His life for my sake, I must be willing to risk my heart for the sake of others too.
Thank you friends, for allowing me to pour out my heart. I love you so very much! Grace and peace to you!
In His Love, Cathy
5 comments:
Hey, girl! As I read your entry it was surprising to me in that it mirrored how I myself have felt recently. We are SO BLESSED and yet Satan tries so hard to rob us of our peace & our joy. I DESIRE joy and I know you do, too. Lets commit together to FOCUS on God's blessings in our lives (I am ESPECIALLY BLESSED & THANKFUL today after the horrible & tragic episode on the beach Sunday evening in which Jonathan was involved). Lets SEEK joy & GO AFTER IT HARD (man, oh man, am I really gonna have to work hard at that - honestly). We have so many good things God has blessed us with, INCLUDING good friends, sharp minds (most of the time - ha!), and the knowledge that we are walking in a right relationship with God. EVERYTHING else is secondary & not worthy of our wasting our energy & attention on. I love you, girlfriend!
You are SO RIGHT! Thank you for reminding me of the WONDERFUL, LOVING God we serve! He had so abundantly blessed us, laying down the Life of His Own Son for us! This is the Joy of the LORD! I'm praying for you and am so thankful to have your friendship...you are such a blessing!
Satan has been very busy these past few weeks, but we will not let him win. We will just remind him that we serve A VERY BIG GOD and he'd better move on because he's interferring with our service.
AMEN!!!! Thanks so much for those powerful, encouraging words! You are such a blessing!!! Love ya, girl!
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