Finding that Which Was Lost

"We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’” Luke 15:32

In my last posting, I shared with you that something really big was happening in our family and asked for your prayers. I am now free to share with you what is going on. What is happening is something that is so incredible, so miraculous that it defies human logic.

As many of you know, my husband, Scott, was adopted when he was a baby. His parents were very open and honest with him about his adoption. They shared with him what details they knew about his birth mother and father. Scott was told he was Yugoslavian/Serbian. He was told his birth father was around 5'10" and his birth mother was about 5'6". He was born in Oakland, CA (Alameda County). These seemingly minor details, along with other verbal details about his birth parents, and minor details on his birth certificate lead to the discovery of a lifetime.

This past Monday, Scott came home to find a message on our answering machine. A person from the Adoption Database, a non-profit online research center dedicated to reuniting adopted children with their birth families, had called. Their message indicated that Scott's birth father's family was trying to find him. Scott was completely taken aback. He had wanted to find his birth family for many, many years. He had always wondered who they were, where they were, and if they ever thought about finding him. We had started a search in 2000, but since his adoption was a closed adoption, we hit one brick wall after another. We thought we had a match back then, but it turned out not to be his biological family. So, as life became busy and our schedules filled up, his searching for his family went on the back burner. Then in December, he expressed a deep, burning desire to find his birth family. It was heavy on his heart. He knew that his birth parents were getting older and was afraid he'd miss the opportunity to find them. He wanted to know if he had brothers and sisters, if they ever thought about him. Now, on Monday, March 9, what he had dreamed of for decades, had finally happened. Someone was searching for him!

Scott was hesitant to return the call. For those of you who know him, he's a laid back kind of guy. However, he is also not one to rush into things. He sits back, evaluates the situation before making a move or decision. He is a very wise, patient person. Then on Wednesday, he came home to find another message on the answering machine - a message from his birth father's wife. Her voice quivered in the message, emotions from the past surging forth. She wanted to carry out her late husband's wish, to find his missing son and make sure he was okay. Unfortunately, the answering machine cut off her complete message AND the phone number left by the Adoption Database researcher. Fortunately, we were able to find the phone number for the Adoption Database Center online.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009, Scott made the call that will forever change his life. He made contact with the researcher at the Adoption Database. Scott's hesitancy and skepticism melted away the minute the researcher gave identifying facts of his birth - date, place, time, identifying information on his birth parents. The researcher told Scott all of those little things that were on his birth certificate, and more! She verified information about his birth parents that wasn't written down but were verbally told to his parents. Convinced of the researcher's authenticity (and the fact I was looking at the organization's credentials online as he was on the phone), Scott finally had hope that this was his birth family.

Once the researcher herself was convinced that Scott was the child the family had been trying to locate, she gave Scott a wealth of information about his birth parents and their families. One question remained. Out of all the children that were born in the U.S. on his birthday, how did they know it was him? It was his mother's last name. Her family was Serbian. Her parents had immigrated to the U.S. from Yugoslavia. Her family was the ONLY family in the U.S. with that particular last name. What are the odds of that? The birth father's family knew her last name and it was on the birth certificate of the ONLY baby boy born in Oakland, California at the time and date of Scott's Birth. It was also the last name on Scott's ORIGINAL birth certificate, that Scott's parents had been given many years ago. However, they did not share this with us until last night when we spoke to his real (adoptive) parents. Of ALL the children born in the U.S. and put up for adoption, Scott was the ONLY ONE whose original surname (birth mother's) was UNIQUE to ONE FAMILY in the entire NATION!!! Now THIS can ONLY be the WORK of GOD!!!

On Thursday, March 12, 2009, after playing phone tag Wednesday and most of the day Thursday, Scott and his half sister finally made first contact. She had been diligently searching for him for 14 years - just in the wrong state. They thought he had been born in Oklahoma. Their father had passed away in 2005, regretting that he had never found Scott. From what we understand, he wanted to apologize to Scott and wanted to know that he was okay. His wife and daughter carried on the search. Not knowing the gender of the child, Scott's half sister was somehow convinced they were looking for boy. Scott and his half-sister talked twice on that night. So many questions that Scott had were answered. He found out he has 8 half-siblings from his father - four brothers and four sisters. The eldest brother died in a car accident in 1968. Scott's sister sent us pictures of the family and the resemblances of Scott and his siblings is uncanny. What's even more uncanny is that our oldest son and our daughter strongly resemble the brother who passed away. All of Scott's siblings are blue eyed and light to dark blonde (now I know how my oldest two ended up with this coloring)! We also discovered that his father's family are in Washington state. Scott also found out that his birth father fought in the Korean War, and was decorated with the Silver Star for gallantry in battle, along with other medals. Scott's father was a great story teller and loved to joke around. (Sounds like someone I know!) He also played guitar and had a beautiful, soft singing voice (so that's where Brittany gets it!) Scott is deeply saddened that his birth father has passed away. He is grieving his loss and the fact he never had the chance to meet him. However, after having this conversation with his half-sister, Scott said for the first time in his life he felt more confident about himself. He knows his birth family, his family history, and his story. Being a history teacher, a man who loves researching and learning from the past, he now feels complete.

Scott was also given information on his birth mother and her family. She was a Captain in the Army, a nurse at the time of his birth. Scott is her only child, though she married years later. After researching her on the internet, we know she participated in medical research and helped write articles for antibiotic research and it's affects on children. Her parents had immigrated from Yugoslavia and settled in Ohio. They are Serbian. She has one sister, who lives in Oakland, California (ring a bell). She also has three brothers, we'll call them G, M, and D. G is the only brother who knows of Scott's existence, from what we understand. G is a CEO and accountant, M is a lawyer, and D we think is in real estate. We found G's biography on the internet with his picture, the resemblance to Scott and little Michael is incredible! G said that Scott's mother loved to help and care for others. Sounds like Scott, huh? We also discovered that she is still alive and now lives in...FLORIDA!!! Another SHOUT OUT to GOD for this is obviously HIS HANDIWORK as well!!!

There is so much more to this story, too much to share in one blog. I'm trying to convince Scott to write about his journey as an adopted child to help others who have experienced what he has. His story is truly a miracle of God, an answer to decades of prayer, one that needs to be told.

But before we get our hopes up too high, Scott and his half-sister are doing a DNA test this week to confirm once and for all what we all suspect, that he is indeed their lost brother. Yet the pictures she sent of his Dad and his siblings have such an uncanny resemblance to Scott and our oldest two children, and you know a picture is worth a thousand words! Please pray for the results of this test, that Scott has finally found his biological family!

The bottom line is this, though Scott may have found his biological family, his real family are the parents who raised him and the little brother whom he grew up with. Scott is looking forward into the next chapter of his life, a life enriched by the love and relationships from both his adoptive and biological families.

In His Love, Cathy
(PS - We did not include the names of his birth family as not all have been contacted. We want to confirm with a DNA test. We also want their permission before we include their names in such a public forum as this.)