Whatever the reason for the lost relationship, God can help us through it. Ideally, we are to seek reconciliation with those we have broken fellowship with. Pray for God's help in restoring the relationship. Seek forgiveness and work through the issue together. Pray for the other person and for yourself in resolving the conflict.
- "And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil." Ephesians 4:26-27
- “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. Matthew 18:15
But what about when reconciliation doesn't seem possible? What if the relationship has been so damaged and completely broken that it seems totally irrepairable? What if the broken relationship is with another devout believer. Even the apostle Paul experienced a broken relationship with another fellow believer and servant of Christ, Barnabas. Barnabas and Paul were joined at the hip, traveling and preaching The Good News of Christ. They faced the Jerusalem council together, convincing the council that Christ was not only sent for the Jewish people, but for the Gentiles as well. "Barnabas was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and strong in faith. And many people were brought to the Lord." Acts 11:24
But then, Paul and Barnabas had a disagreement. This disagreement was so sharp that it caused a rift in the friendship and the two went their separate ways.
'After some time Paul said to Barnabas, “Let’s go back and visit each city where we previously preached the word of the Lord, to see how the new believers are doing.” Barnabas agreed and wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly, since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. Their disagreement was so sharp that they separated. Barnabas took John Mark with him and sailed for Cyprus. Paul chose Silas, and as he left, the believers entrusted him to the Lord’s gracious care. Then he traveled throughout Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches there.' Acts 15:36-41
These two obviously didn't mend their fences before nightfall. The friendship did not seem to be reconciled before Barnabus' departure. But God even uses broken friendships to further His work...Barnabas went one way, preaching and teaching, Paul went another way. The fantastic preaching duo was no more. But because of the rift, they were able to cover more territory, reaching more people with the news of Salvation through Jesus Christ.
Yes, we need to do all that is within our power to heal broken relationships and entrust God with the situation. We may not understand how or why things went wrong between us and the other person, but we do know that we serve a God whose plans are perfect in every way.
Even though we are faced with an irrepairable relationship, there are some things we can do and must do in order for us to be ready for God's healing. First, forgive. 'But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too. ” ' Mark 11:25 We must forgive the other person for our sake as well as theirs. We must also be ready to forgive ourselves! We can not move on in our lives until this happens.
Second, pray. We must pray for the other person, for ourselves, and for the relationship. Pray for God's intervention and for circumstances to work out according to HIS WILL! Then trust God to work things out. If reconciliation does not come, then you need to move on in faith that God works all things according to His perfect plan.
Third, seek godly counseling. Perhaps the help of a Christian counselor as a third party can help resolve issues and help with the reconciliation process. Even having a nonbiased third party as a witness to the reconciliation process is Biblical and wise. Sometimes the broken relationship is surrounded by emotionally charged circumstances. Negotiating with the help of a godly counselor is especially important under these circumstances. In addition, giving a little time and space before attempting reconciliation may also be necessary so to give highly charged emotions time to calm down. In the meantime, have self control in what you say and what you do. Keep to any agreements, as best you can under the given circumstances, you made with the other person. Breaking such agreements only further damages the relationship. Keeping your word is so important in building back the trust that was lost. Accept any responsibility you have in the broken relationship - that's not saying that you should be the scape goat and take all of the blame. Ask God to examine your heart and show you where you were wrong, then apologize for it.
Finally, let go and let God! Cast all of your cares, worries, and anxieties over to Him. He loves you and will be faithful to get you through.
In His Love, Cathy
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